NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD
16. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.
14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
9. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.
8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
6. I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line.
5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.