Alaskan Birthday Party

Business, Holidays, Men, Sex

Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After...

The Bucking Bronco

Animals, Cowboys, Holidays, Horses, Women

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel. Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest...

Birthday Party

Holidays, Women

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out….. a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal...

Credit Card Fun

Business, Holidays, Women

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going...

Understand Women

Holidays, Women

A man sat at the bar totally dejected. The bartender served him his second drink and said, “What’s wrong pal ?””I’ll never understand women. The other night my wife threw me a birthday party. She told me that later on, as her gift to me,...

The Usual

Holidays, Men

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave....

3 Men in Saudi

Holidays, Lawyers, Men

An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. Then Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia. For the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the...

A Birthday Present

Holidays

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Sherry? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”She says, “Morris, I want a divorce.”He says, “I wasn’t planning...

A Lighter Look at Marriage

Holidays, Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing...

ABC of Ex-boyfriends

Holidays, Men

A is for ASSHOLE, you know, that word I shout at him as I drive by.B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I can’t think of two better losers to get off the streets.C is for Call ya later. He won’t. He never has...

Guys Suck

Drinking, Holidays, Men, Sex

GUYS SUCK…… and let me tell you why.FARTING – How come it’s cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg?JOCK-ITCH – Get help! Do you see us scratch? We don’t want to see you scratch either.PORNOS...

More Male Language Patterns

Holidays, Songs, Sports

“That’s interesting, dear,” REALLY MEANS, “Are you still talking?””Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love,” REALLY MEANS, “I forgot our anniversary again.””You expect too much of...

The New Pet

Cats, Dogs, Holidays

For a little girls birthday her parents decided to let her get a pet. So the next day she went to the pet store. She walk past the puppies. Glanced at the kittens. Took a look at the fish. Gawked at the lizards and snakes, to then decide she wanted a bird. When all...

19 Things it took Me 50 Years to Learn

Holidays, One Liners

by Dave Barry1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be...

Not Men Bashing

Holidays, Marriage, Men, Religion, Sex, Women

This is for men tired of receiving male-bashing jokesHow many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine...

Be Careful What You Wish

Holidays

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife...

Telegram

Holidays, Men, Seniors

It was Schneider’s birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door. “Telegram!”He opened the door excitedly, “Is it a singing telegram?” Schneider asked the messenger boy.”No Sir. We don’t do singing telegrams...

Chinese Feng Shui Horoscope

Holidays, Sex

This is a Chinese Feng Shui horoscope. Take a moment to take this test! If you are honest this tells the truth, it’s pretty accurate. Write your answers on paper. Find out your horoscope at the bottom.1. Which is your favorite color:Red, Black, Blue, Green or...
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