How to Mess with the IRS Next Year

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) –Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take...

Even More Insults!

Why don’t you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex — and it’s fully justified. You are not as bad as people say — you are worse! Do you...

Alaskan Birthday Party

Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After...

Wisdom

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word...

Important Position

A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the country. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same...

Speech-Recognition Demo

At a recent Sacramento PC User’s Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down. Just then someone...

Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! 10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon. 9. Indentation?!...

The Recession is Having an Impact on Everyone

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. If...

You’re in Big Trouble

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN… …the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me. …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah,...

Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene...

C-141

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft’s latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an...

Lawyer VS. Insurance

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,: then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great...

Caffeine Addict’s Quiz:

Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD...

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by...

Don’t Trust Golfing Lawyers

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the Don was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from his private businesses, he ask the lawyer to ask the deaf man if he was willing to help. This way if he...
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