WHY IS EMAIL LIKE A PENIS?

Some folks have it, some don’t. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.Those who don’t have it may agree that...

Useless Things

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?He has an Adam’s apple that isn’t an apple…Two calves that will never become cows…A nose bridge that doesn’t lead anywhere…A roof of the mouth that won’t cover...

Computer Possessed

The Top 11 Signs Your Computer is Possessed11. Instead of flying appliances, your screen saver shows horned demons torturing your immediate family.10. The monitor spins and spews pea soup when you access the Vatican website.9. Bill Gates Screen Saver eyes follow your...

Life before the Computer

An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano!Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account!And if you had a broken disk, it would hurt when you found out!Compress was something you did to...

Apple does it again..

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough...

Flying in Seattle

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick fog bank. He’s completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he spies the top few floors of an office building. He pulls up real close to it, and gets the attention of a woman sitting at...

ISO Condoms

When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software giants. Sun, SCO (UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Me respectively.A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom...

Fit for the Job

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,...

Pins

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.I asked one nurse what the pin signified.”Nothing,” she said with a smile. “It’s just to keep the...

Wrong Bottle

A woman was sitting in the doctor’s office when he came in and said, “Mrs. Jones, this isn’t a urine sample you brought in. It’s apple juice.””Oh my god” she said, “I’ve got to get to a...

Star Trek Jokes II

Dr. M’Benga was experimenting with cloning alien species. His first experiment was a disaster; the result was ugly and obscene. He decided to get rid of it by jettisoning it out of the hatch. Unfortunately, Captain Kirk saw him do it, and now M’Benga is...

Microsoft

Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows. Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take...

Email and Dick

Why E-Mail is like a Dick?1. Some folks have it, some don’t.2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.3. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.4. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s...

Office Illness

The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness1. The Macy’s One Day Sale Flu.2. The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.3. The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.4. The I’m Looking for a New Job and I...

You have spoken to him

Mr. Mujibar is trying to get a job in his home country.The Personnel Manager said, “Mr. Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”Mr. Mujibar said, “I am ready.”The Manager said,...

One Liners X…

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize. Everybody repeat after me…”We are all individuals.” Chastity is curable, if detected early. Love may be blind,...

Cybersex

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name.9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.7. You can...
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