Twas the Night before Finals

Drinking, Poems and Rhymes, Students, Teachers

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

Cultural Differences Explained

Baseball, Business, Drinking, Football, Politics, Songs, Sports

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when...

The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web

Drinking

10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404” message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV. 7. The...

Caffeine Addict’s Quiz:

Business, Doctors, Drinking

Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD...

Purchasing a new bird

Drinking, Marriage, Men, Women

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d...

Screwing up a Business

Business, Drinking

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “ONE CENT!” exclaimed the guy, the barman replied “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks...

Good Advice from Maxine

Drinking, Men

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet. The only two things we do with...

New Company Policy

Business, Drinking, Food, US President

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our...

Workplace Zodiac Signs?

Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...

Too Drunk

Drinking

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he...

Cows With a New Twist

Animals, Business, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Men, Students, Taxes

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and...

After I Win

Drinking

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting’ on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.”I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery,” said Bubba.”Do what?”...

The Investigation

Drinking

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems...

Promoted

Drinking

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, “You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years.” Replied the drunk: “Can I help it if you can’t get promoted?”

Good Samaritan

Drinking

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and...

How drunk are you? Official drinking test

Business, Doctors, Drinking, Nurses, Patients

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final...

Comparison of the Sexes

Drinking, Men

After drinking; 1) Men talk unnecessarily, 2) Become emotional,3) Drive badly, 4) Stop thinking and5) Fight for nothingWomen can do all these without even drinking!

The Cellar

Drinking

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else… After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first...

Bat Competition

Drinking, Students

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part.The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner?So the first bat goes and...

Crude and Rude Dude

Drinking

A man’s driving happily along in his car when he’s pulled over by the police.The policeman approaches him and asks “Have you been drinking Sir?””Why?” asks the man, “have I got a fat chick in my car?”