Lawyer’s Brain

Engineers, Food, Lawyers, Men

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher: “How much for Engineer brain?” “3 dollars an ounce.”...

Bricks

Engineers

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation. If they are counting the bricks. Put them in...

Workplace Zodiac Signs?

Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...

Cows With a New Twist

Animals, Business, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Men, Students, Taxes

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and...

Boil the Pot of Water

Engineers, Men

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he decided that they had good problem solving skills. He tried a test to narrow the area of specialty. He put each man in a room with a stove, a table, and a pot of water...

Four Cats

Business, Cats, Engineers, Men

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, “T-square, do your...

Engineer Terms

Engineers, Students

Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being...

Car Break Trouble

Engineers, Military

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash...

Settling a Cow Case

Animals, Business, Engineers, Lawyers, Men, Seniors

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled...

Why Engineers Don’t Write Recipe Books

Engineers

Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4.9 cm3 refined halite4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic...

United States VS Japan

Engineers, Lawyers

There are many reasons why the United States finds itself playing second fiddle to Japan today in so many high-technology areas where American pre-eminence was once unquestioned. Some of the reasons are complex, but one can be put in a statistical nutshell:Out of...

Engineer Cannibals

Business, Engineers

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a defense company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don’t trouble...

THE YEAR IS 1911

Dentists, Doctors, Drinking, Engineers, Holidays, Men, Nurses, Patients

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! ************ ********* *********** The year is 1911One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1911: ************ ********* ************ The average life expectancy for...

The Grand Old Burma Shave Road Signs

Drinking, Engineers, Farmers

TRAINS DON’T WANDERALL OVER THE MAP’CAUSE NOBODY SITSIN THE ENGINEER’S LAPBurma ShaveSHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSHBY MISTAKESHE THOUGHT IT WASHER HUSBAND JAKEBurma ShaveRemember these? For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick...

Features

Engineers

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Engineer Difference

Engineers

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?Mechanical engineers build weapons.Civil engineers build targets.

Work After College

Engineers, Students

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”The graduate with an Liberal Arts...

Glass

Engineers

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Slow Golfers

Doctors, Engineers, Golf, Religion, Sports

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but...

Applying for a Job

Business, Engineers

Fred was applying for a job as a flagman/switch operator on the railroad. The chief engineer was conducting the interview.”What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?”Fred...