Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and...

Dead Dog

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by...

Geometric Logic

Geometric LogicThe Wonder of it All:1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.4. The sport of choice for supervisors is...

Football Q and A

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence?A flat back...

School Report

Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reportsLater that night…Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report?Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone!Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework?Dad: (cheering for his team) YEAH...

Animals Playing Football

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half...

Bosnian Footballer

Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for ’96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.Then...

Failed Math

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it...

Never Understand

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense.He turned to...

Men and Women

THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY 1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude. 2. While I’m up, can I get you a beer? 3. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 4. Her tits are just too big. 5. Sometimes I just want to be held. 6. That chick on Murder, She...

50 Rules for Men by Women

1. Call.2. Don’t lie.3. Never tape any of her body parts together.4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.6. The correct answer to “Do I...

50 Rules To Be a Man II

(50 more ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you...

Open Sesame!

A man comes home after a heavy night’s drinking. His wife won’t open the door for him, so he starts hammering on it. She still won’t let him in, so he starts shouting. The neighbors are starting to notice, so in an attempt to embarrass her, he starts...

How To Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner

Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking.Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.Bring a date that only...

Plastic Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.One of the bags rips, and $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your...

Church Football

Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.Halftime – The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leaveBenchwarmer – Those who...

Washed Dishes

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?”His grandfather replies, “Those plates...
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