Baseball, Business, Drinking, Football, Politics, Songs, Sports
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
Food, Football, Men, Sports
Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and...
Animals, Cowboys, Dogs, Football, Rednecks, Sports
Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by...
Baseball, Football, Sports
Geometric LogicThe Wonder of it All:1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.4. The sport of choice for supervisors is...
Football, Sports
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence?A flat back...
Football, Sports, Students, Teachers
Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reportsLater that night…Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report?Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone!Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework?Dad: (cheering for his team) YEAH...
Animals, Elephants, Football, Sports
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half...
Football, Sports, Students
Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for ’96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.Then...
Football, Sports
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it...
Food, Football, Sports, Women
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense.He turned to...
Drinking, Football, Men, Sports, Women
THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY 1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude. 2. While I’m up, can I get you a beer? 3. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 4. Her tits are just too big. 5. Sometimes I just want to be held. 6. That chick on Murder, She...
Dating, Football, Men, One Liners, Sex, Sports, Women
(50 more ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you...
Animals, Football, Men, Sports, Women
1. Call.2. Don’t lie.3. Never tape any of her body parts together.4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.6. The correct answer to “Do I...
Dogs, Fishing, Football, Holidays, Sports
*As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.*As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, “Aren’t they a wonderful band!” for the 25th time.*As a hood ornament.* Put on top of the tree.*As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Harriet...
Football, Sports
A man comes home after a heavy night’s drinking. His wife won’t open the door for him, so he starts hammering on it. She still won’t let him in, so he starts shouting. The neighbors are starting to notice, so in an attempt to embarrass her, he starts...
Dating, Food, Football, Holidays, Sports
Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking.Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.Bring a date that only...
Football, Sports
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.One of the bags rips, and $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your...
Football, Religion, Sports
Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.Halftime – The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leaveBenchwarmer – Those who...
Food, Football, Seniors, Sports
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?”His grandfather replies, “Those plates...
