The Best Ways To Annoy People On The Subway

-Stick your feet way out into the aisles when sitting down. Extra points if you’re wearing clown shoes.-Take large objects on the train with you.-Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.-Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people next to you.-Sell...

More Male Language Patterns

“That’s interesting, dear,” REALLY MEANS, “Are you still talking?””Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love,” REALLY MEANS, “I forgot our anniversary again.””You expect too much of...

Why Karaoke Is Better Than Sex

With Karaoke, you’re always sure you can find someone worse than you are.- You don’t feel obligated to buy someone dinner for singing Karaoke with you.- When you sing Karaoke, it’s OK to have multiple partners.- It’s OK to sing Karaoke with...

History Exam…

Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.This is a History Exam for those who don’t mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. *** Get paper & pencil and...

25 Signs that you are Getting OLD

1. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead. 2. Your back goes out more than you do. 3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck. 5. You are proud of your lawn...

Wrong Side

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters” and they reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”This stuns the...

Christmas Songs

How many Christmas songs can you identify?Answers apear at the end of the mail.1. The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.2. The lad is a diminutive percussionist.3. Decorate the entry-ways.4. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.5. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y...

Hummm

Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, “According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people masturbate in the shower. Only ten percent of them sing.””Really?”The therapist nodded. “And do you know what...

Murphy’s Rules of Sex

1. Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.2. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.3. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.4. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he...

Do you remember songs of the 60s?

Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include the following:Bobby Darin — Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash.Herman’s Hermits —Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a...

WEB ADDICTION HOLIDAY SING ALONG!

(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,I’m happy — althoughMy boss let me go –Happily addicted to the Web.All night long, I sit...

Preparation for Parenthood …

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put...

Songs

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said “Today, church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.”The...

Are you lonesome tonight?

Elvis Sing AlongAre you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight?Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day…When you had all your teeth and your gums?Is your hairline receding? Are your eyes growing dim?Hysterectomy...

Hospital Hit Parade

Songs From The Hospital Hit Parade”I’ll be Sewing You””Red Cells in the Sunset””It’s Spleen a Long, Long Time””It Had to Be Flu””On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma””Gonna Take a Sentimental...

Fly Spotting

A prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and...

Psychological Holiday Songs

SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear?MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are.DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)MANIA – Deck the Halls and Walls and...

How the Seven Dwarfs got their names…

Miss Snow White was a randy cowAnd desperate for a f@#k,So off she went into the woods,To try and get some luck.She’d almost given up looking,When she saw some chimney smoke,Then she stumbled on the cottage,And went in for a poke.Her clothes came off in...

Unhappy News

I don’t usually pass on unhappy news like this, and I know you are busy, but sometimes we have to pause and remember the things that have deeply affected our lives.The entertainment world experienced a great loss today. The composer of the song “Hokey...
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