Girlfriend 1.0 Software

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although...

Virus Warning: Missus

DescriptionMissus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV it is a remote hijacker, targeted at unsuspecting male humanoids. There may be problems with pop-ups. VariantsGirlfriend 1.0 was the first variant, targeted at...

A Collection of Insults!

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff?...

You Know You’re in Trouble When

… Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. … Your suggestion box starts ticking. … Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. … You make more than you ever made, owe more than...

Well, how do I look?

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The “How Do I Look” Question”That’s a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago.” “I ain’t seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town.” “Uh-uh, the last time I...

Relief!

Some years ago, my high-school girlfriend and I were driving my father to his bowling league. She got in the back of the car to let my father ride up front and have more leg room.Along the way she leaned forward to comment on how strange it felt to be sitting back...

Good Memory

The couple had split-up a few months ago, but still remained good friends, which worked out pretty good, since they lived in the same apartment building.The man slipped on the ice and broke his arm. He met his ex-girlfriend in the elevator and she asked if there was...

Back Trouble

There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie. They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck he couldn’t move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned...

A Woman’s Random Thoughts

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.Skinny people say things like “You know sometimes I forget to eat!” Now, I’ve...

The ABC’s of Ex-Girlfriends…

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them...

Things girls think guys should know:

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out.2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t.4. Girls are petty, get over it.5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you...

50 Rules for Men by Women

1. Call.2. Don’t lie.3. Never tape any of her body parts together.4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.6. The correct answer to “Do I...

Advice from Men to Women

1. The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.2. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.3. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be...

Frat Bro

A FRIEND WAS WAITING for a fraternity brother who was dropping his girlfriend off at her dorm. It was curfew, and the housemother flicked the porch light on and off to hasten their good-by’s. Getting no results, she marched out to the porch, where the couple was...

Honeymoon is Over

Here are the key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.1. AddictionsBefore: You tell her you don’t mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you’ve taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly...

Dinner with Joe

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until one day; he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He...

Six-Pack

Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer.Steve’s girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, “I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I’d look like...

Rules from the Male Side

AT LAST a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys’ side of the story(I must admit, it’s pretty good). We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!...

And then the……

MY Wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’I said, ‘Dust.’And then the fight started…******************************************My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A...
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