Formality

A young man said to his girlfriend’s father, “I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?””Who says it’s ONLY A FORMALITY?” asked the father angrily.”Her obstetrician!” replied...

What Size?

I rented a movie from Blockbuster. Before the movie begins a message comes on the screen saying, “This movie has been altered to fit your television screen.”My blonde girlfriend asked: “How do they know what size television you have?”

Muscles

“How’s your gymnast girlfriend of yours these days?” this guy asked his buddy.”Oh man, she’s fine and in great shape! She’s been working on developing really concentrated muscle tone.””Yeah? Which muscle is she toning...

Pants Down

A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. “She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.”Well, I’ll tell you what I used to do with my wife” replied the...

Name Change

A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that so often used the name, Bubba. He went to court to change it and appeared before a judge who asked, “Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in trouble, hiding from the law,...

X’mas special, Worse Xmas Gifts

The 10 Worst Gifts a Man can buy a Woman for the holidays1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make “housework” easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on TV...

Bad Name

I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He was six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to be stuck with him.One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the weekend, I overheard him make a careless...

Little Questions

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?” The mother responded,”Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.” The girl...

Best and Last

The groom comes into the church to take his place by the altar and his best man notices that he has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says, “Hey man, I know you’re happy to be getting married, but what’s up, you look so...

Sample

A man had just picked up his girlfriend in his new convertible, and was driving by a hospital. At that time a baby was being circumcised, and the doctor did not have a receptacle handy to put the removed foreskin in, so he just chucked it out the window. It landed in...

Christmas Wishes

Dear Father Christmas (Women)Now I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man, who’s not a creep.One who’s handsome, smart and strong.He’s not afraid to admit when he is wrong.One who thinks before he speaksWhen he promises to call, he doesn’t wait...

Tired

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of...

How to Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.Turn on the water.Get in the shower.Don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (you...

Uh Oh…

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might...

Beginner

Joe was walking with his new girlfriend Vickie. They had just finished a wonderful date and he was about to drop her off at home.The mood was right and the timing was right, so Joe looked into her eyes and said, “Sweetheart, I want to tell you that you’re...

Sign

SignJohn’s girlfriend got a new job as a receptionist at the local sperm bank.One of her duties is to say to the donors as they are leaving: “Thanks for coming and come again!”

Out of Range

Out of RangeVan and his girlfriend were walking along the beach when a seagull dropped a load which hit Van in the eye.”I”ll go and get some toilet paper,” offered his girlfriend.”Don’t worry yourself my pet,” said Van. “That...

Royally

RoyallyLike a lot of married men, I got the “You just don’t appreciate me” speech once from my girlfriend.I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day.I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert.

Small Place

Small PlaceRoy was extolling the virtues of his new girlfriend. In fact, she was so perfect in every way that he’d asked her to marry him, and she accepted. Why, he was the luckiest man in the entire universe. “I’m really happy for you, Roy,”...

50 Rules To Be a Man

Rules To Be a Man(50 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)1. Don’t call, ever.2. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure it out by herself.3. Lie.4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and...
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