Twas the Night before Finals

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

Chemistry Lab

Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”8. Consistently write three...

Short Story

The blonde college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.She was the only one who received an A+. This is what she wrote:”Good...

Emotional Extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.”Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?””Sadness,” said the student.And...

Mistakes on a Resume

These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “Qualifications:...

Performance Evaluation Translations

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too...

Kids

I’m proud of how many kids I’ve managed to put through college.We have my dentist’s kids, my mechanic’s kids and of course my lawyer’s kids……I have a kid in college who thinks he’s being independent when he buys his own...

What Time is it?

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant...

Bosnian Footballer

Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for ’96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.Then...

Big Ten Alumni Mountain Climbing Trip

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They...

Learn your ABC’s – Mom Style!

A – Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.B – BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.C – COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.D...

Parent Job Description

POSITION:Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, PopJOB DESCRIPTION:Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work...

College

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his...

The Secretary’s Prayer

Dear Lord,I NEED HELP. Help me to be a good secretary, and help me to have the memory of an elephant, or one at least three years long. Help me by some miracle to be able to do six things at once, answer four telephones at the same time while typing a letter that must...

Work After College

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”The graduate with an Liberal Arts...
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