Business, Computers, Holidays, Santa Clause, Students, Teachers
If IBM ran Christmas…They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.If Microsoft ran Christmas…Each time you bought an ornament,...
Drinking, Poems and Rhymes, Students, Teachers
Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...
Teachers
Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”8. Consistently write three...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...
Blondes, Students
The blonde college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.She was the only one who received an A+. This is what she wrote:”Good...
Students, Teachers
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.”Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?””Sadness,” said the student.And...
Animals, Business, Cats, Students
These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “Qualifications:...
Animals, Business, Food, Holidays, Religion, Salesmen, Students, Teachers
You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer your boss Ussss. You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner...
Business, Students
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too...
Dentists, Lawyers, Students
I’m proud of how many kids I’ve managed to put through college.We have my dentist’s kids, my mechanic’s kids and of course my lawyer’s kids……I have a kid in college who thinks he’s being independent when he buys his own...
Sex, Students
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant...
Football, Sports, Students
Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for ’96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.Then...
Students
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They...
Food, Students, Women
A – Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.B – BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.C – COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.D...
Animals, Business, Dating, Students
POSITION:Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, PopJOB DESCRIPTION:Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work...
Holidays, Religion, Seniors, Students, Teachers
Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parent’s house. Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. Couch potato latke, in...
Animals, Dogs, Students
A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his...
Business, Elephants, Teachers
Dear Lord,I NEED HELP. Help me to be a good secretary, and help me to have the memory of an elephant, or one at least three years long. Help me by some miracle to be able to do six things at once, answer four telephones at the same time while typing a letter that must...
Engineers, Students
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”The graduate with an Liberal Arts...
