Animals, Business, Dogs, Food, Horses, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Students, US President
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining...
One Liners
“What Happens Here, Stays Here” is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here are the leading contenders: 1) Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.) 2) It’s The Gambling, Stupid 3) You’re Broke,...
One Liners
He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
Cats, Dogs, One Liners
1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3 am. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10...
Animals, Business, One Liners, Women
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff?...
Holidays, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Santa Clause, Songs
1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town…” 2. Hang a stocking with your roommate’s name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. 3. Paint your...
Dieting, Marriage, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
This just in:Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings(Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure.========There are two theories to arguing with women....
Dogs, Drinking, One Liners, Women
12. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?11. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.8....
Dogs, One Liners, Rednecks
40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.38. Duct tape won’t fix that.37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.35. We don’t keep...
Business, One Liners, Silly Sayings
[Or, “Welcome to my life.”]* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who’s behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are...
Business, Doctors, Nurses, One Liners, Patients, Religion, Silly Sayings
In the offices of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.” In a classified ad: “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.” In a New York medical building: “Mental Health Prevention Center” On a New York...
Blondes, Men, One Liners
Answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions:How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?ONE – He just holds it up there and waits for the world to...
One Liners
Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory… Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. Justify my text? I’m sorry but it has no excuse. Programming is an art form that fights back.
Dating, Football, Men, One Liners, Sex, Sports, Women
(50 more ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you...
Computers, Dating, One Liners, Songs
1. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself. 2. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any insect derived food. 3. Without asking, eat off of your date’s plate. Eat more from their plate than they...
Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Women
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing, please not to read notice.In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.In a Leipzig...
One Liners
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age!What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock!How do you hold a turkey in suspense? (Scroll Down)(get it?)
Animals, Dentists, Doctors, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
In a Zurich hotel:Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.In a Rome...
One Liners
“Infertility unlikely to be passed on”–> Montgomery Advertiser”Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men”–> The Sunday Oregonian”Man shoots neighbor with machete”–> The Miami Herald”Court Rules Boxer...
