Tax Plan for Your 2018 Taxes

Politics, Taxes, US President

Enclosed is my 2018 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from “USA Today” archives.In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid $600.00 each for toilet seatsPlease find...

Words for the Wise

Dogs, Marriage, Politics, Religion, Sex, US President

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?”...

Politics

Business, Food, Men, Politics, Students, Women

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics is to use...

Albert Einstein

Men, Politics

Three men die and are waiting at the Pearly Gates when St. Peter tells them that there will be a slight delay but not to worry that he will have Albert Einstein visit with them during their wait. Albert arrives and introduces himself to the first man and asks,...

Workplace Zodiac Signs?

Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...

Agriculture Politics

Animals, Business, Farmers, Politics

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Bubba Peterson, over at Alexandria, LA, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What...

Official Announcement

Politics

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of...

Competitive Politics

Politics

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, “You know why I’m going to win this election? Because of my ‘personal touch.’ For example, I...

Snail Jokes

Politics

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.The host asks him, “And what are you?”The man says, “I’m a snail.”The host says, “And who’s that on your back?”And the man says, “That’s Michelle!”What...

Actual quotes from (actual) Texas politicians:

Politics

Actual quotes from (actual) Texas politicians:* “Let’s do this in one foul sweep.” – Texas House Speaker Wayne Clayton* “This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.” – Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis* “I want to...

Political Jokes

Politics

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.

Political Pampers

Politics

How are politicians like diapers?You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

Civics Test

Lawyers, Politics

If you find twenty dollars lying in the middle of the road, would you:(A. Give it to an honest lawyer,(B. Give it to an honest politician,(C. Keep it.The correct answer is:(C. Keep it because there’s no such thing as an honest lawyer or an honest...

Cannibal Jokes

Politics

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”That reminds me of the cannibal that passed his friend in the woods…..When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone’s eaten…….What is a...

BP Oil Spill Jokes

Business, Politics, Religion, US President

Late-Night Jokes About the BP Oil Spill Disaster in the GulfBy Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guidehttp://politicalhumor.about.com/od/currentevents/a/oil-spill-jokes.htm”The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That’s like someone...

Honeymoon is Over

Politics, Sex, Women

Here are the key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.1. AddictionsBefore: You tell her you don’t mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you’ve taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly...

Men Talk

Men, Politics

How to talk about men and still be politically correct…He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.He does not get...

Questions from Arizona

Politics

Let me see if I got this right!!! If you cross the north Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard Labor. If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely. If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot. If you cross the Saudi...

New Position

Politics

A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. The couple’s conversation headed towards political and international events. The husband asked, “Honey. What do you think about the Middle East position.”His wife replied, “I don’t...

Tax Time Poem

Animals, Fishing, Marriage, Poems and Rhymes, Politics, Taxes

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he’s fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his...