No Talk

Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored. He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation, turned to bartender and said, “Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . . “”Stop — I don’t permit talk about...

Hoya

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and...

A Bachelor’s Cookbook

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.”I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.””Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.”You said it....

Top 10 Reasons Star Trek: The Next Generation Was Cancelled

1. The writers discovered that plots were left out of 156 episodes.2. Worf was discovered to be half-Irish. [Huh?]3. Toy Geordi visors caused a rash of traffic accidents across the country.4. It was discovered after all these years that the concept of the Starship...

Definitions

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and later kills you with his bills.Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.Atom Bomb : An...

Insight Between the Sexes

A man whose actions leave his wife speechless has really done something.The argument you just won with your wife isn’t over yet.The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!Extravagance is buying whatever is of no earthly value to...

Country Preacher

There was a country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do – and he didn’t...

Politicians

Everyone says that politicians lie all the time, and that just isn’t true!But you do have to understand body language to know when they’re lying and when they aren’t.When a politician rubs his nose, he isn’t lying.When a politician tugs on his...

Words of Wit and Wisdom

In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday. But I never saw either on the calendarAlways wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it. My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, He takes something for it. Never be afraid to try something new,...

My Living Will

New Living Will FormI, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology...

The BINCH

Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot,But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!Now don’t ask me why, for nobody can say,It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.Or the sun from the desert had beaten...

The 12 Days of Christmas

(For the politically correct)On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping...

Old Hollywood Squares

If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and not as dull as they are now. Peter Marshall...

Oxymorons…

Oxymorons…47. Act naturally46. Found missing45. Resident alien44. Advanced BASIC43. Genuine imitation42. Airline Food41. Good grief40. Same difference39. Almost exactly38. Government organization37. Sanitary landfill36. Alone together35. Legally drunk34. Silent...

More What’s in a Name

More What’s in a NamePROFESSION NAMELawyer’s daughter SueThief’s son RobLawyer’s son WllDoctor ‘s son BillMeteorologist’s daughter HaleySteam shovel operator’s son DougHair stylist’s son BobHomeopathic doctor’s son...

Only in America!

Only in America!1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance..2. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy...

New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

New Year’s Resolutions You Can KeepAre you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:1. Gain weight. At...
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