Twas the Night before Finals

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

Some Bumper Stickers

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.* Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?* He who laughs last thinks slowest.* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at...

People Over 34 Should Be Dead

Here’s why.According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, or even maybe the early 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored...

Emotional Extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.”Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?””Sadness,” said the student.And...

How Careers End…

Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists’ models are deposed....

Boys and Girls

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to...

WD-40

Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat.Who knew; I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around...

Learn your ABC’s – Mom Style!

A – Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.B – BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.C – COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.D...

Time and Friends …

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do?Draw out ALL OF IT, of course!!!!Each of us...

Two Sided

Geometry teacher to class: “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided ones are called pentagons.””What about two sided ones?” asked a student.”They don’t exist.” said the teacher.”I beg to differ! I think we...

New College Survey

According to a new survey, 58% of male college students say they don’t believe in sex without love. … Apparently the other 42% told the truth.

Happy 4th of July 2010

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?The Americans licked the British!Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?Because the horse was too heavy to carry!Why did the British cross the Atlantic?To get to the other tide!What do you call a parade...

Slogans

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.”Joe,” he asked, “which company has the slogan, ‘come fly the friendly skies’?”Joe answered the correct...

History Exam…

Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.This is a History Exam for those who don’t mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. *** Get paper & pencil and...

Idiots Stand Up

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” inquired the teacher with a...

Did ya ever wonder…

Do you think all the other flowers make fun of Pansies?Why are most pencils yellow?Why did they change the name of Diet Pepsi if it was already only one calorie?What’s the deal with colors and cartoon characters? You know, like GREEN Lantern, GREEN Arrow, and...

The Storks

Once upon a time there was a family of storks: Papa Stork, Mama Stork, and Baby Stork. One evening, Papa wasn’t at dinner. Mama left food out for him, but he didn’t come home at all that night.When he finally did come home the next day, Baby Stork asked,...

Good-Bad News

The story is told that many years ago, one of the UCLA Professors told the Freshman Science Students that he had some “Good News” and some “Bad News”.”By the Year 2015, we will all be drinking Recycled Sewage”, he told the...
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