Business, Computers, Holidays, Santa Clause, Students, Teachers
If IBM ran Christmas…They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.If Microsoft ran Christmas…Each time you bought an ornament,...
Students
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it....
Students, Teachers
A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, “Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!” She yells, “Whose Jimmy Poole?” A kid in the back stands up and says,...
Drinking, Poems and Rhymes, Students, Teachers
Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...
Business, Food, Men, Politics, Students, Women
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics is to use...
Animals, Business, Dogs, Food, Horses, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Students, US President
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining...
Students, Teachers
A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: “Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?” “Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.” “Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I...
Business, Students
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
Business, Food, Men, Religion, Students, Teachers, Women
A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy’s parents were...
Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...
Animals, Business, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Men, Students, Taxes
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and...
Blondes, Students
The blonde college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.She was the only one who received an A+. This is what she wrote:”Good...
Business, Food, Students
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. “Wow,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?” “Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before....
Animals, Business, Cats, Students
These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “Qualifications:...
Engineers, Students
Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being...
Animals, Business, Food, Holidays, Religion, Salesmen, Students, Teachers
You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer your boss Ussss. You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner...
Dating, Salesmen, Students, Women
Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires.Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states.Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp.Chevrolet Camaro – I enjoy beating up...
Football, Sports, Students, Teachers
Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reportsLater that night…Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report?Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone!Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework?Dad: (cheering for his team) YEAH...
Business, Students
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too...
