Biggest Tool

Students, Teachers

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, “Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!” She yells, “Whose Jimmy Poole?” A kid in the back stands up and says,...

Twas the Night before Finals

Drinking, Poems and Rhymes, Students, Teachers

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

They Don’t Mess Around

Students, Teachers

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: “Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?” “Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.” “Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I...

Some Bumper Stickers

Animals, Blondes, Dogs, Men, Students, Teachers

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.* Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?* He who laughs last thinks slowest.* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at...

A Boy and Math

Business, Food, Men, Religion, Students, Teachers, Women

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy’s parents were...

The Sum

Teachers

A little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….”His mother heard what he was saying and asked, “What are you doing?”The little...

School Report

Football, Sports, Students, Teachers

Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reportsLater that night…Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report?Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone!Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework?Dad: (cheering for his team) YEAH...

What Do I Have…

Teachers

The teacher asked little Peter; “If I have 5 mangoes in one hand and five mangoes in the other, what do I have?””Big Hands,” said Peter.

The Twelve Days of Chemistry

Teachers

On the first day of chemistryMy teacher gave to meA candle from Chem Study.(second day) two asbestos pads(third day) three little beakers(fourth day) four worksheets(fifth day) five golden moles(sixth day) six flaming test tubes(seventh day) seven unknown...

Part in a Play

Men, Religion, Students, Teachers

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.She asks, “What part is it?”The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a...

Several years ago

Military, Students, Teachers, US President

President Bush was visiting an elementary school today and when he visited a class in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word,...

Two Sided

Students, Teachers

Geometry teacher to class: “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided ones are called pentagons.””What about two sided ones?” asked a student.”They don’t exist.” said the teacher.”I beg to differ! I think we...

Remembrance Day

Teachers

Remembrance Day was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.”We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.”One...

Substitute

Doctors, Teachers

Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.Little Mary got up and said, My Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect. “Great,” said the teacher.Michael got up and said, “My Dad is a...

Did you hear the one about:

Business, Doctors, Marriage, Men, Religion, Songs, Teachers, Women

The girl who was a wall flower at the dance, but a dandelion in the grass?The drive in theater manager who decided if business got any better he would start showing movies?The two Arabs who sat under a palm tree eating their dates?The recent survey on cigarettes which...

Sounds

Animals, Teachers

A High School teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked.Mary put her hand up and...

Pendulum

Teachers

A young pretty female school teacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, “Now children, look at the clock; what does the clock have that I have too?”One little girl stood up and said, “It has a face.”Another...

Pair

Teachers

“Johnny,” the teacher started, “do you know what ‘paranoia’ means?””It’s not a word, Teach, it’s several words,” Johnny replied.”Whatever do you mean by that?””It’s like when you go...

Delinquent Children

Teachers

TWELVE RULES FOR RAISING DELINQUENT CHILDREN!(1). Begin in infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.(2). When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It...

All Free

Teachers

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.”We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all...