The Wrinkled Nightgown

Men, Women

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed...

Girlfriend 1.0 Software

Women

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although...

Snow or Rain?

Men, Women

Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just...

Wife’s Panties

Business, Lawyers, Women

Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.” “I know the feeling,” the other says. “No,...

The Bucking Bronco

Animals, Cowboys, Holidays, Horses, Women

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel. Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest...

The Art of Love Making

Sex, Women

The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.” The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I...

The Recession is Having an Impact on Everyone

Business, Politics, Women

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. If...

Half a Head of Lettuce

Sports, Women

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into...

Dirty Magazines

Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Women

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. She...

The Lawyers Last Stand

Lawyers, Religion, Women

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it. As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched...

The French Cow Hand

Animals, Business, Farmers, Women

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. “No!” yelled the farmer,...

Purchasing a new bird

Drinking, Marriage, Men, Women

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d...

The Kind Lawyer

Lawyers, Men, Women

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.”Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.”We don’t have...

Getting Permission to Play Golf

Golf, Men, Women

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, “you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.” The second...

10 Slices of Toast

Doctors, Men, Women

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to the doctor. After the examination,...

Gentle Southern Woman

Men, Religion, Women

A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, ‘Please don’t jump, think...

Confucius Proverbs

Baseball, Men, Poems and Rhymes, Religion, Sports, Women

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano,...

Inebriated State

Food, Men, Women

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn’t get the door...

Pickle Slicer

Sex, Women

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex...
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