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-Stick your feet way out into the aisles when sitting down. Extra points if you’re wearing clown shoes.

-Take large objects on the train with you.

-Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.

-Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people next to you.

-Sell stuff.

-Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.

-Yell to your friends at the other end of the train.

-Make fun of other people while they are in hearing distance of you.

-Ride the train while drunk. Extra points if you throw up.

-Constantly ask people for directions.

-Ask people where they are from.

-Ask people where they are going.

-Quiz people on the meaning of life.

-Start a game of poker. Extra points if it’s strip poker.

-Start a game of tag. Extra points if it’s strip tag.

-Start a game of Twister.

-Use a cell phone. Talk loudly.

-Turn your headphones up to 120 decibels and then complain loudly that they just don’t make headphones loud enough anymore.

-Shake off your umbrella on the people sitting down.

-Shake off your hair on the people sitting down.

-Ring out your shirt on the people sitting down. Even on days when it’s not raining. Make them wonder where it all came from.

-Ring out the shirt of the person sitting next to you. Extra points if you get slapped.

-Bring a pet. Preferably a rattlesnake. Without a cage.

-Juggle eggs.

-Juggle knives.

-Juggle babies.

-Don’t take a shower for a month.

-Tell the people your problems. They really want to know.

-Start line dancing. Even when there’s no music.

-Use the shoulder of the person next to you to take a nap.

-Use the shoulder of the person next to you to blow your nose.

-Use the shoulder of the person next to you to cry.

-Have deep philosophical conversations about belly button lint.

-Play an accordion for money. Make people pay you to stop.

-Jump up and down muttering “Gotta go, gotta go,” then frown and say “Oops.”

-Get on while carrying live ammo. Oh… wait, that’s for how to kill people on the subway.

-Wear a Burger King crown and tell everyone that they must bow before royalty. Hit those who don’t.

-See how many different pick-up lines you can use on the train driver.

-Use pennies in the turnstile.

-Hijack the train.

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