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…your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month
…he paints flames and an NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
…you have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob”
…he refers to Klingons as “Critters”
…he refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns”
…he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil
…he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
…he says “Got your ears on, good buddy” instead of “open hailing frequencies”
…he hangs fuzzy dice over the view screen
…he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
…he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
…he says “Yee-Ha!” instead of “Engage”
…he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
…he insists on calling his executive officer “Bubba”
…he sets the fore view screen to reruns of “Bassmaster”
…he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
…he paints the starship John Deere green
…he refers to a Pulsar as a “Blue Light Special”
…he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a “swamp”
…his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
…he sings “Lucille” instead of “Kathleen”
…his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
…he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
…his idea of a “gas giant” is that big ol’ XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

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